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Do you need help in changing the thinking patterns that lead to
your negative emotions? Go to the Tools Page.
Criticism is the act of finding and telling the negative.
Directed at yourself, it tears down self-esteem. Directed at others, it produces
feelings of ill will. Counteract criticism by changing it to a compliment. Find
something positive to comment on rather than something negative.
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Doubt is disbelief, distrust, or uncertainty. Doubting your own
worth is probably the worst kind of doubt. Some things in life are not certain.
Get rid of doubt by focusing on these things in life that are certain.
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Exaggeration is making something larger than it was originally.
Exaggerating mistakes makes them major problems.
Exaggerating the negative in your life and in the lives of others increases your negative feelings. Counteract
exaggeration by minimizing rather than magnifying the negative.
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Fault-finding is looking for the source of a problem when it is
not really necessary for the problem's solution. It creates a no-win situation
by putting responsibility for the results on someone who cannot change them.
Rather than seeking to find who is at fault, work together to find a solution.
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Expectations are things you anticipate will happen, not really
realizing what they are until someone does not live up to them. Unrealistic
expectations lead to disappointment and heartache. Check to see if
what you expect is within the realm of ability and circumstance, and then discuss
ways of meeting the expectation.
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Perfectionism is the desire to always do and be right. It is a
two edged sword; in order to achieve, high ideals are needed, but the
perfectionist uses them to cut him or herself and others down rather than
building them up. Avoid perfectionism by viewing mistakes as problems to
overcome rather than attacks upon your intellect. Use negative consequences as a school master to
teach positive action rather than as judgments to sentence you.
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What if... questions come when you are unsure about your own
future and the future of those you love. Negative What if... questions lead to
fear and anxiety. Positive What if... questions lead to excitement. Both tend to
snowball and get out of control if not checked. What if... questions can be
stopped by taking them to the extreme, and making them humorous. Then you can
laugh about your uncertainty and let go of the strong emotions that are connected
with it.
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If only... statements look back into the past at all the
mistakes and problems that happened before and bring them into the present for
reliving. These are the seeds of discouragement, depression,
disappointment, and dread. They will drag you into a negative thinking
whirlpool. If only... statements easily turn into "Should" statements
such as "I should have" and "I shouldn't have." They breed
unwanted guilt and sadness, then lead to feelings of worthlessness and
hopelessness. Recognize them for what they are, dragons that will eat you alive.
Fight them with facts, truths that lead to
positive feelings of worth.
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Assumptions are things you believe to be true without testing
their validity. It is easy to assume you know what others are thinking about you, and then act on those assumptions. If the assumptions are not valid, they lead to
gross misunderstandings and conflict. Before acting on an assumption, check it
out. Ask the other person if what you are thinking is correct. If it is not,
change it. If it is, give yourself a pat on the back.
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Complaining is verbalizing dislikes. It is easy to fall into
this habit if you allow others to complain around you. Complaining does not lead
to problem solving, it leads to feelings of discontent, discord, and disharmony,
the breeding ground of unhappiness and misery. Replace complaining with problem
solving. Put yourself in a position to help find solutions rather than being
part of the problem.
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I don't care comes as a result of giving over a long period of
time and not receiving anything in return. Your resources become limited because
they are not being replenished and your emotions turn off rather than depleting
your body's energy that is needed for continued living. To stop the I don't care
feeling, you must let the other person or party know that you cannot give any
more until something is given in return. Limit future caring and giving while
you work on increasing your feelings of self-worth.
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Replace negative thinking patterns with positive ones before
they become negative feelings. You will know if you are successful when positive
feelings are the final result.
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about positive versus negative
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about positive living patterns
There are many tools that
can help you. They enable you to focus your mind and energy in ways that will accomplish the goal of changing thought patterns that lead to negative
feelings. Click on the link below for the Tools page.
Tools
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"The
Power of Personal Change"